I have a horrible fear of death and the fear of people dying around me?

I grew up with my mum and a rather abusive grandafther. I always had trouble leaving home as i always got really homesick and had to come back to the fammilliar. Eventually, i moved and was totally fine, i dont consider the place i grew up as home anymore. This realisation came about when i went back home after i '' thought '' i had HIV. I was convinced i did. My tests all came back neagtive and it was what the doctor said - a simple fungal infection. When i was told it was great. I then woke up the next moring with a sickening feeling in my stomach - much like my homesickness feeling. It suddenly dawned on me that im not getting any younger... either is my mother. Nothing will ever ever be as it used to be back home. I also realised that the place is not really home anymore. It feels like homesickness, but with no home to go to. Now all i think about is death. I worry about - have i been a good guy? ( ive never been a criminal or anything horrible ) - what will i do without my mum?